Most of the time he just wanted to disappear. He wanted that no one knew him, that he was a ghost like the ones in the school. But it was hard to be a ghost when you’re friends with James Potter and Sirius Black. Remus was, one of their best friends. But he wanted to disappear, for he was in love with one of them. And that one didn’t know about it.

That one was Sirius, he was in love with Sirius ever since their fourth year. So for three years now, he never did anything. He just tried to hide it, hide his feelings. But he felt like he couldn’t anymore. He needed Sirius, he needed to touch his hair, smell him, and be with him. But he didn’t want Sirius to know; he didn’t want to know what would happen if Sirius didn’t like him the way he did.

So it was this day that Remus sat on the stairs of the divination tower, looking at the students below him. They didn’t see him; it was something he found out when he was in first year. It was a good place to look at people, or just think about things that had happened. He just wanted to disappear now. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking of Sirius, thinking.. Remus shook his head and looked at the students. Sirius and James would be searching for him now, for he was gone for almost three hours. They would take out the map and discover his hiding place, and then they would go to him and ask him what was wrong. And he would answer that he just wanted to make homework in peace, for it was Sirius birthday tomorrow and every girl in the common room was giggling and talking and singing for him already.

Remus didn’t have a present; he didn’t know what to buy him. He was thinking of something, but he was afraid that.. that Sirius didn’t want it. So now he was sitting there, and he was thinking on how to bring it to him. He didn’t want to be afraid anymore, he wanted to tell Sirius how he felt about him. Maybe.. James! Remus’ eyes brightened, if he told James, than James could tell Peter to leave the dorm before Sirius got away! So then Remus could tell him, could tell Sirius how he felt.

Remus was so caught up in his plan that he didn’t notice someone coming nearer and sitting next to him.
‘Remus?’ Remus looked up at hearing his name and saw James sitting next to him. James was smiling and waved at the map in front of him. ‘What were you doing here?’ Remus realised his mouth was open and closed it with a loud “knack”.  
‘I was.. I was just thinking.. And erm, I actually wanted to talk to you.’
James narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over each other.
‘About what?’
‘Well, could you and Peter leave the dorm tomorrow a bit early? So that I can speak to Sirius, alone?’
James looked suspicious but didn’t say anything. He just nodded and helped Remus up.
‘Sure, but now you’re coming ‘cause I don’t want to get detention, again.’ Remus laughed and they walked to the Gryffindor tower together.

--

Remus woke up quite early and saw that Sirius was already starting to unpack his presents. He felt a bit shy for not buying him anything but maybe Sirius would appreciate his gift. Sometimes, Remus could have imagined it, but sometimes he thought that he saw Sirius looking at him the way he looked at girls. Girls he liked. But again, Girls, so that would mean he wasn’t gay. Remus sighed and looked around to see if James and Peter were already awake.

James was bending over his trunk and shoved something in his bag before he grabbed Peter, nodded at Remus, and pulled Peter out of the dorm. Sirius looked at the two and wanted to ask them why they were leaving so early but James had already closed the door. Sirius looked over at Remus who was feeling that his head starting to get really red and moved over to hide his face.

‘I’m not trying to be spoiled or anything. But were is your present?’ Sirius asked five minutes later. Remus, thinking it was safe to show his face again, looked over at the bed on the other side and saw that Sirius had already unpacked everything, and that every piece of paper was lying somewhere around his bed. Normally, Remus would have thought this to be very rude, but he just thought how sexy Sirius was with his pyjama shirt half open.

Sirius waved at his bed. ‘Why won’t you sit here?’ he asked and Remus walked over to Sirius’ bed and sat at the end, looking at his hands. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I, I err.. My present that is.. I don’t know if you’ll like it. I mean I didn’t know what to buy you. And.. Well.. I just, I’m afraid.’
Sirius looked at Remus, confused. Remus could just smack his head there; of course Sirius didn’t feel the same way about him. If anyone was straight, it was Sirius. ‘You know what, never mind. Next time in hogsmeade I’ll buy you something.’ Remus started to get op but Sirius grabbed his wrist. When he spoke it was extremely soft and it was hard to hear him.

‘No, I want the present you had for me.’ Remus looked at Sirius and before he knew what he was doing he started to bend over and he shove his arm beneath Sirius’ neck, getting him a bit up. When his lips touched Sirius’ he remembered where he was and what he was doing, his eyes grew bigger and he tried to break the kiss.
But Sirius had his arm around his back and pulled Remus back on him, his tongue gliding over Remus’ trying to open his mouth. When Remus opened his Sirius took advantage and stick his tongue in Remus’ mouth, playing with Remus’ tongue. Remus reacted to Sirius and when the kiss finally broke of and Sirius let Remus go he was smiling brighter that he ever did.  

‘I really love your present. You could give it to me a bit more often if you liked.’ Sirius joked when Remus was sitting on the side of the bed. Sirius moved his arms around Remus’ waist and rested his head on Remus’ shoulder.
‘Sirius?’
‘Hm?’
‘I love you. I always did, but I was afraid to ask you.’ Remus saw that his hands were trembling. ‘If this was just a kiss for you, then please say it and we can pretend it never happened. Because I love you more than anything else in the world.’ Sirius turned Remus so he would face him. His expression was really serious and when he moved again and there mouths were really close to each other he spoke.
‘Remmie, I love you more than anything. I was afraid you weren’t in love with me.’ And then their lips met again.
‘Love you too.’